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We realize we know only a little. God will constantly disclose more to you and to us. Ask Him in your morning meditation what you can do each day for the man who is still sick. The answers will come, if your own house is in order. But obviously you cannot transmit something you haven’t got. See to it that your relationship with Him is right, and great events will come to pass for you and countless others. This is the Great Fact for us.
AA: Big Book, p. 164
There are a lot of times where I want to think I know a lot more than I do. Recovering from this disease is a constant journey, and there will never be a point where I have learned everything there is to know. My understanding is limited, and it is at times very “finite.” Anytime I am leaning into my own perceived understanding, I seem to travel quickly into self – will and cannot be of any service to anyone. Sometimes it takes me a long minute to figure out that I have lost conscious contact with my higher power. The gaps between being in my own will and surrender however have grown smaller. I can clearly see the days where I awaken and ask my higher power to guide me and take me out of self versus the days where I wake up and get right into my own “wants” and “will.” The days where I am running completely on my own steam are the days which are finely marked by selfishness, a lot of sideways thinking and quick emotions. The days however where I wake up, seek gratitude and ask God to show me something new, help somebody else, give freely, build a vessel of love within me and take me out of judgement are the days where I seem to move through the day in peace and find that I am able to be available for someone else other than myself! If I don’t make myself available, I am no good to anybody else. In order for me to be present for somebody else however, I must ask for my higher power to take me out of self – centerdness so that I can be an instrument, rather than the conducter. When I am in this state of being, I am open to be taught something new, my understanding is enlarged and my thoughts are not on me and what I think I want or need. God provides me with what I need without my doing and then uses me without me knowing, and this is beautiful